The Healing Process – Part III
Befriending pain.
“The first step to healing is not a step away from the pain, but a step toward it.” – Henri Nouwen
Yes, you read correctly. A major player in the healing process is not a fun one, but a necessary one. This is often the step that so many skip. Not only do we run from the idea of recognizing our pain, but rarely do we embrace it. What is the point? Why does this have to be a part of the healing process and journey toward wholeness? Is there such a thing as suffering well?
Like most things in life Jesus of Nazareth can provide a great example. Jesus no doubt experienced suffering and pain in his time on earth. More astonishing to me is that he chose to embrace it. He fully experienced the pain of the human experience for the sake of our joy. He had to so that he could fully connect and comfort us in all of our affliction. Jesus felt fully the pain of loss, rejection, humiliation, fear, temptation, and more. You name it, and he felt it. He chose to feel it. He felt in the death of his friend Lazarus. No doubt he felt when the news about the death of John the Baptist was delivered. Unmistakably he felt it in the events that surrounded his betrayal, arrest, trial, and crucifixion. Remember how he grieved so intensely that drops of blood fell when thinking about the path he was about to walk? Why else would he get away by himself so often to pray? He was in pain and he needed to be with His Father. It was there that the darkness was exposed by the Father’s face. Even Jesus needed to be reminded of the love of his Father.
What about us? Could this be true for us? Could it be that as we choose to fully experience our own devastatingly painful past that the darkness is exposed with the Father’s love and light? I believe so. This has been my experience. When we wish away the pain we miss out on something very important. We miss out on the comfort that the Father wishes to pour out through the Son. We miss out on connecting with the Son in his death so that we may know fully the power of his resurrection. As Paul said our suffering produces certain character traits that only come through pain and loss, the most important of which is HOPE. Don’t we all need hope? Without it we are literally hopeless.
This is a part of the great mystery. Still, we often take detours toward wholeness. But you can’t shortcut wholeness. The easy path around pain makes things worse and leads to decisions that lead to more hurt and pain. We must learn not to avoid the pain. We must learn to not miss a chance for growth. Like a good friend of mine often says, “Never waste a good crisis.” During my recent struggle I was sitting with this friend one day at breakfast and as I shared with him he had a smile on his face. It made me angry. I told him that I felt like I had been shaken to my very core and had no idea where to turn. His response…”Good.” Now I was really mad and I said to this sweet older gentlemen and I quote, “You Dick”! I didn’t like his answer very much but he knew what I was about to discover. He knew that it was only by coming to the end of myself through the necessary step of pain and suffering that I would realize my desperate need for God. Not God from the religious viewpoint that most of us know Him from, I needed to really discover and know God: Father, Son, and Spirit. I needed to experience their acceptance and accept the invitation to join in the dance that is the trinity. This is why Jesus came by the way, to allow our fallen mind to see the goodness of the Father and to realize that what he wants more than anything is to live in relationship with His children.
As a society we don’t know how to grieve. We certainly don’t honor the horrors that we experience. The American way is to get up, dust yourself off, and get on with life. It doesn’t work. The pain will never go away, it is always there. Sure, the intensity might lessen but the memory will always haunt. If healing is a process and recovery is a journey toward wholeness, then fully experiencing our pain is an essential component. If we will allow it, pain can become our greatest teacher. The lessons we can learn about ourselves and others by facing our biggest fears and deepest hurts can be a great catalyst, launching us into a deeper understanding of who we are and who God really is.
Don’t take a detour around the pain; choose the narrow road that goes right through the middle of it. On that broken road full of treacherous turns we are on the cusp of arriving at a destination actually worth arriving at. Through the ugly experiences of our past we drive down the beautiful road towards new and abundant life. The kind that Father has always desired for us to live. It’s a kingdom type of life, a heavenly one; and we don’t have to wait for the life to come to experience it. The kingdom is here, now, in this life. Through the Son the ugliness of our darkness is brought into beautiful and glorious light as the Son shares with us the love of his Father, through the power of the Spirit.
Is it hard? Hell yes it’s hard. Is it worth it? You bet your ass it is! It requires a courageous heart and a determined spirit to travel this road. Perhaps that is why it’s the road less traveled. It is much easier to ignore the pain, to wish it away, to numb it with busyness, addiction, and self-harm. My question to you is which road would you rather be on, the road of self-destruction, or the road to wholeness? The choice is yours.
It seems only appropriate that as we started this post with a quote from one of my favorite authors, Henri Nouwen; that we end it the same way. He sums it up way better than I ever could anyway!
Be blessed my friends, you already are.
“Embracing the pain and bringing it into the light of the One who calls us the Beloved can make our brokenness shine like a diamond.”
theuglybeautiful 