From Brokenness to Blessing

Over the past 18 months I have dealt with enough brokenness and suffering that I could have an honorary Doctorate.  Life has handed me pretty tough hands and quite frankly I have not played those hands well.  At times I shoved all my chips in to the middle prematurely and at other times I folded my hand to quickly when I should have seen how the hand played out…or at least bluffed!

 

Heartbreak.  Job loss.  Hospitalization.  Death.  Financial hardship.

 

I have experienced them all in a short period of time and I have the scars to prove it.  There have been a lot of sleepless nights, periods of darkness, anger, bitterness, resentment, tears, shouting matches with god, and a lot of soul searching.

 

In short…I have been broken.

 

Brokenness is something we all experience at some point in time in our lives.  It is a lot like Baskin Robins…as it comes in many different flavors.  Therefore, there is no need for comparison.  My brokenness most likely looks and feels much different than yours.  When we compare our suffering with the suffering of another we end up with one of two conclusions.  1.  My suffering and brokenness is much worse so I have the right to tell you to get over it while wallowing around in my own mess.  2.  My suffering and brokenness doesn’t seem nearly as bad as yours so I tell myself mine isn’t that bad and that I should just get over it.  Neither conclusion works.

 

Instead of comparing our brokenness I suggest we lean into it together.  There are great lessons we can learn from one another and if there is one thing I have been assured of during my struggles, it’s that we were never meant so suffer alone.  As hard as it may be our brokenness is an opportunity to invite others into our lives on a much deeper level.  Going into hiding never works and avoidance is not the answer.

 

But what I really want to share is that if we allow brokenness to run its full course then we are welcoming a real blessing.  Brokenness as it turns out has stages and many times we wish it away and run from the pain it causes.  If you are experiencing a season of suffering then I suggest that you let it run its course.

 

Make friends with it.  Feel it.  Sit in it.  Process it.

 

I know it is hard and it seems so opposite of what you should do but I can tell you from experience that the blessing that will come will be well worth it.  In fact, when the process comes to an end you will see it as a gift.  This is what the blessing does…it transform brokenness into gratitude and believe it or not eventually you will be able to see your brokenness as a gift, a gift that has transformed your life and now serves as a gift to be shared with others.

If you are reading this and experiencing your own period of brokenness right now I want you to know you are not alone.  I encourage you to reach out and ask for help.  Leave me a comment and I would love to start a further dialogue about my own time of suffering.

 

Other comments:

 

How has brokenness turned into blessing for some of you?

 

What growth have you found from your suffering?

 

Be blessed friends…You already are!

 

When We Lose The Ones We Love…

It has been almost two weeks since I learned about the death of my Big Brother.  I cannot help but to call him Big Brother…It was always a joke with us and I would call him Bubby in public sometimes to embarrass him!

 

I’m still dealing with the emotions that come with the loss of a loved one.  I have lost a grandparent, an aunt, and a few friends, but by far my big brother is the closest person I have ever lost.

 

Which leads me to the very question I have been pondering since late last night.  Do we really lose the ones we love?

 

Late last night I went to my basement to switch out some laundry…yes, I help do the laundry!  After the clothes were in the dryer and a new load in the washer, my guitars sitting over in the corner of the room caught my eye.  I say guitars because I now have two.  Sitting right next to my old faithful axe sits the guitar of my brother, which I brought home with me after the funeral.  I felt compelled to sit down and play, specifically to play his guitar.

 

There is a popular song out right now by Phillip Phillips.  The song is called Home…if you have not heard it click here to give it a listen.  I am not a great guitar player but I get around on the six string okay and recently I had a strong desire to learn the song Home.  Here are the lyrics that grab me the most:

 

Hold on, to me as we go

As we roll down this unfamiliar road

And although this wave is stringing us along

Just know you’re not alone

Cause I’m going to make this place your home

 

Settle down, it’ll all be clear

Don’t pay no mind to the demons

They fill you with fear

The trouble it might drag you down

If you get lost, you can always be found

 

Just know you’re not alone

Cause I’m going to make this place your home

 

I don’t want to go freaky spiritual on you or anything because frankly…I don’t really know how I feel about that kind of stuff.  I do however believe that the ones we love never really leave us.  In that space, playing my brother’s guitar, singing those lyrics, I knew I wasn’t alone…just as the song states.  I felt my brother’s spirit in that moment.  As my fingers slid up and down the neck of his old guitar and as my thumb gently plucked the strings…I felt a transfer of something beautiful…as if Brad was strumming and singing with me, although he was a crappy singer and a less than average guitar shredder!

 

I’ll tell you something else too that was pretty amazing.  When I felt the presence of my brother with me and around me in my basement, I also felt and recognized the presence of THE Spirit.  It was a holy moment, a stop you in your tracks, time stands still moment.  I’m not sure if the Spirit brought Brad or if Brad brought the Spirit…not sure how that works exactly…but I can tell you it wasn’t just the three of us!  When the spirit is present (which is all the time btw) it is more than some doctrinal approach to the Holy Spirit, it is a truth that becomes our reality and where the Spirit is present the Father and Son are too.  We call this perichoresis, or the dance of the Trinity.

 

Just let me boil it down to this; last night Father, Son, Spirit, Brad, and myself…we had a dance party!  Right there in my basement at 12:30 this morning I was fully alive, awake, and open to the presence of God and my brother and we had a freaking dance party as I played and sang!

 

So, you tell me…do we really lose the ones we love?

 

You are free to draw your own conclusions but I am learning that for me the answer is a resounding NO!  Sure the dynamics of the relationship change and physically my brother is no longer with me and he never will be.  There will be no more fishing trips, hunting adventures, or games of horse with him where he is physically present.  But, every time I do those things that sucker will be present.  His spirit will be noticeable, I will hear his laugh, see his smile, and we will dance together as we both join the grand dance of the Trinity.

 

Death is really ugly…death is really beautiful.

 

Thanks for the visit Brad.  Just know you’re not alone, I’m going to make this place your home!  Love you bro…keep dancing.

 

Be Blessed Friends…You Already Are!

 

 

Reflection & Remembrance

 This week I got to participate in an amazing time of genuine, authentic community.  I am a part of a community connected with Breakthrough, a seminar that turns into family that is put on by HeartConnexion Ministries.  This is one of three amazing communities I have the privilege of being involved in.  It’s amazing how much extended family and community can impact your life.  I don’t know how I’ve lived without it all these years.  You really should try it!

 

Okay so back to the point.  When was the last time you allowed yourself to reflect and remember?  May I suggest that this is the perfect time of year to do such?  2012 is almost gone.  A lot has happened.  In your life and in mine we have had experiences that have changed our lives forever.  Some of them were good, some of them bad, and some of them making the change from what started out bad but are turning into good moments.  It’s amazing how God and time can make that happen.

 

So this night that I participated in this week was all about reflecting and remembering.  The entire night was themed this way.  For some of us reflecting and remembering is scary.  Our pasts are filled with so much hurt, pain, and loss that an honest look back is really hard.  May I suggest that this is exactly when you want to remember and reflect?  This process when done honestly can lead us to different conclusions about our lives that we have already come up with in our mind.  It can lead us to a place where our stories can be written differently if we so desire.  Reflection and remembrance can allow gratitude to slip up on us and we can find ourselves surprised by hope!

 

Will you try something for me?

 

Allow yourself to get completely still. and completely silent.  As much as you can empty your head of its many thoughts, worries, and struggles.

 

Now take your hand and place it firmly over your heart.  Be completely silent.  What do you feel?  What do you hear?  The feeling is the beat of a beautiful heart that beats just for you because of God.  God created your heart, sustains your heart, and seeks to fill your heart and soul with so many good things.  The sound is a solid thump of your heart.  Change your breathing up.  Breathe deeper, harder, and faster.  Feel the thump change; listen to its intensity increase as your activity does, recognizing that God made your heart to function this way.  Our hearts increase as our activity does to allow more blood and oxygen to flow so we can sustain that energy.  Isn’t that amazing?  Isn’t He amazing?  When was the last time you were this in touch with your heart?  You should do it more often.

 

In that place of captivation by the feel and sound of your heart, allow your mind to drift back to memories.  Look over the past year and seek out things you are grateful for.  If we search hard enough we all have things to be grateful for and we seek gratitude we allow joy to enter into the picture.  If you can’t find anything else, be thankful for the beat of your heart…can you still feel it?

 

With that memory settled in your mind and still connected to your heart, let yourself think of moments of success this year.  We all define success differently.  Maybe say it differently; what are you proud of?  Reflect on some proud moments.  It’s okay.  Be selfish for a moment and pat yourself on the back for a second.  Many times we seek so much approval from others that we don’t take time to appreciate and love ourselves.  The truth is that you are worth it.  Breathe in and out, remembering the moments where you rocked it.  Where you put your mind to something and delivered.  Big or small, it doesn’t matter, if you did it then celebrate it.  We need to do this more often.

 

Now we are grateful, and we are proud, and that is okay!  Joy is showing up and warming our souls as we are in touch with our hearts.  Final thing…think of a really hysterical moment from the past year.  Don’t take yourself too seriously.  I firmly believe that we adults need to spend more time laughing.  And not just a smirk or a little chuckle, I’m talking about a deep, hearty, gut-busting laughter!  The kind of laughter, which makes you spit out your drink, or makes food funnel through your nose because it is so intense.   When was the last time you laughed and tears of joy started to run down.  Go to that moment and as you recall it just allow yourself to laugh.  Laugh at yourself, your children, your co-workers, whatever that moment was and whatever was involved, remember it and just laugh.

 

Now, we’ve done some good reflecting.  What is your heart telling you?  What emotions do you feel?  What was it like to reach back in the past year and dig out moments that were full or pride, joy, and laughter?  These are the moments that quite often get stolen from us as we live in the past and worry about the future.  We remember the past and we reflect on it, but we don’t live there.  We must learn to live in the present.  I know how hard this is btw.  Living 24 hours at a time is one of the hardest things you will ever set out to do, especially if you are consumed with worry or overwhelmed with guilt and shame.  In fact it’s next to impossible.  I think Jesus may have had something to say about both of those things.   We may be better served to start off with a more attainable goal.  What about one hour at a time?  Is that still difficult?  Then try one minute at a time.  The point is living in the moment, moment by moment.  It takes practice.  However, like most things the more we practice it the more present it becomes in our lives.  We begin to distance ourselves from worry, fear, and the doom and gloom attitude that dominates our minds so often.  Soon you will start to notice that entire days go by where you were present and in the moment the whole day!  Those days can turn into weeks, and the weeks can turn into a month, and so on.

 

It’s not that those days don’t still present challenges.  It’s that we learn to look and process them differently.  We learn to let them go.  We learn to live in the moment by continually being surprised by hope, reassured of our immense worth and value as the Beloved, and finding gratitude even in unwanted circumstances.  This is the kind of life that regular remembrance and reflection can help produce.  When we allow ourselves to get still and quiet, to feel the rhythm of our heartbeat, we are reminded that we are loved and that our lives are much more than past hurts and bad memories.

 

This holiday season I pray that you and I can use the practice of solitude in such a way that we remember we have much to rejoice and celebrate.  In doing so I hope we reflect that life is worth living, love is worth embracing, and joy is worth fighting for.

 

Be blessed friends…You already are!