“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” – Wayne Dyer
The process of change is different for each of us. I know some people that live for change, that eat change for breakfast. It’s almost as if life makes more sense when change is constant, and more difficult when a routine begins to take place. I also know some people that resist change like the plague. To them, change is extremely difficult, a painful experience to be avoided at all cost and only entered into when the pain of the present is unbearable. If you are like me then you probably find yourself somewhere in the middle of that landscape.
I have made numerous changes in my life over the last two years. My own pendulum has swung from the type who only changes when a crisis arises, to the type that looks for change, to somewhere back in the middle. Regardless of where you are on that pendulum I would like to discuss the process of change, especially as it relates to creating the life you want for yourself.
Many people spend a lot of time and energy thinking about the kind of life they want. Very few have the courage to take the necessary steps to make it a reality. If there is one thing I have learned its that change doesn’t happen until you make it happen. The life that you want will not be handed to you gift wrapped with a shiny bow attached. It will not drop out of the sky and land in your lap. Creating positive change in your life is hard work, extremely hard work that requires us to act on the impulse and intuition of our heart. The first step of change is the move from thought to action.
Once that happens there is a natural high that is experienced. You will feel proud (and you should) of yourself for taking that necessary step of actually doing something about the change you want. It really is a kind of euphoria. However, the problem is that the euphoria will wear off quickly. As you start out to create change and work for change, it will get hard. If it’s not getting hard then you probably aren’t doing the work. All change requires sacrifice and once the positive energy of starting begins to fade you will feel the weight of that decision. Your old modes of operation, thinking, habits, they will start to kick in. This is the resistance. Your conscious will come up with all sorts of lies, stories, and reasons for you to quit but you must remember that the more resistance you feel the more you really want the change.
Now what? What do we do once we have made the decision to change and then feel as though it is impossible? What do we do when we are making the sacrifice for a change not yet realized and everything inside of us tells us stop and go back?
First, I want to remind you that a decision to change is already a victory. Celebrate that choice! How many people do you know that only talk about their dreams? How many times in the past have you talked about losing weight, changing careers, stopping a bad habit? Don’t undermine the value of stepping into the fear with courage and deciding to go for it. You are in the game. As Brene Brown would put it, you are in the arena daring greatly.
Second, may I suggest that you develop some sort of reminder of your desired outcome in front of you? What is it that you are hoping this change will bring about in your life? You have to answer that question with crystal clear clarity. The vision of your desired outcome will fuel you when you want to give up, when the voices swirl in your head, when others think you are crazy. Without it, the percentages of giving up sky rocket. This is especially important if the change you are seeking will be a long transition. My wife and I are in the middle of a massive change in our lives. We even have a name for our cause, “Team Glover.” It may seem silly but this change is really hard. We are both sacrificing every day for the change we want to bring about. Individually, our sacrifices look different but we are both giving so that our entire family can experience more freedom. Freedom is our desired outcome. We are one year into a two year commitment and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to give up, but what keeps me going is the picture of our preferred future. To me that is what vision is all about, a picture of a preferred future, and we get to create it. Paint your picture with clarity and vibrant colors, and when you feel overwhelmed draw that image up close and remind yourself of why you decided to change in the first place. As you journey toward the destination remember where you came from, how far you’ve already traveled, live in the present, and continue to imagine what it will feel like when your dream comes to fruition.
Finally, you will need grace for the ups and downs of change. You will need grace for the people closest to you, and you will need to have grace for yourself. Change usually brings uncharted territory. You will make mistakes. You will get frustrated. Others will get frustrated with you. It’s all part of the process and to be a giver of grace is of great importance. Be good to yourself when you struggle. Be gracious when your decision to better yourself makes others angry or jealous. People have a hard time when we change because we become unpredictable as we make positive choices that affect our behaviors. Some of your relationships may suffer, some of them may need to end, but in both instances grace can rule the day. Yes, you can extend grace while you separate yourself from a toxic person that continues to pull you down and suck the life out of you. In the end you get to choose how you handle the difficulties that may arise in your relationships with others, and your relationship with yourself. Choose wisely.
Change is difficult, and it is exciting. It doesn’t have to be either/or. Recognize that it is difficult and enjoy the journey to your preferred future. Pretty soon, you will stop thinking about how far you have to go and realize that you are living life as an individual who is taking ownership of his/her life.
I leave you with words inspired by none other than AC/DC:
For those about to change…I salute you!
Leave a comment and tell me about your change, and your preferred future. I want to celebrate with you.
Be Blessed Friends…You Already Are!
theuglybeautiful 