Send This To Your Pastor

Why would I want to you to send this post to your pastor?

Because there is a very high probability that your Pastor is extremely lonely, suffering alone in silence, struggling to put one foot in front of the other, and wearing a mask each week when he stands up to proclaim the truth about a God he’s not sure he believes in anymore.

 

How do I know?

 

Some of you who follow this blog probably don’t know that I was one…for nearly 12 years.  Besides being one, I talk to them, I’m on facebook pages with them, and I can so identify with their horrific stories and extreme loneliness.  Statistics show that Pastors and their families are some of the loneliest people.  Why?  Wouldn’t it seem that a pastor of a church would have lots of friends and healthy community to participate in?  Sadly, this is far from the norm.

 

The truth is that some Pastors are on the very brink of complete and total breakdown.  Pastors have the highest divorce rate of any profession other than first responders.  The statistics of Pastors who are addicted to pornography are off the charts.  Pastors rank way high among the unhealthiest professions with symptoms like high blood pressure, obesity, anxiety, depression, high cholesterol, and sleep deprivation.

 

Why is this so?

 

From my experience most of it is due to the unrealistic expectations that most Pastors feel they have to live up to.  We live in the age of the Super Pastor, Pastor as C.E.O., who run multi million dollar organizations, erect mega churches, become celebrities, write books, have interview with Oprah, and speak to the masses.  But for your average guy in the middle of America who is trying his best to keep 100 people showing up to the building while trying to figure out how to pay the bills and feed his family…this is a death sentence.  Most Pastors I know are never satisfied, in large part due to the fact that those who write the checks are never satisfied.  There is always a pressure for more and to be more.  Pastors feel the pressure to hit a home run every time they step onto the stage…to be funny, entertaining, compassionate, moving, compelling, impactful, and when that doesn’t happen they feel like failures, and when they don’t someone reminds them that they should!  Pastors are constantly pressured to put more butts in seats, to develop new programs, to visit more people, to counsel more people, to pray with more people, to develop more leaders, to run more efficient meetings, to increase the budget, to build a new facility, and I could literally go on and on and on.  The sad truth is that most guys who guy into ministry for the right reasons can barely even recognize those reasons after a few years.  They find themselves filling a role, playing a part, and sacrificing life and limb to please everyone.

 

The other major dilemma is what I call the untouchable factor.  Most churchgoers forget that despite the unnecessary pedestals we put Pastors on, that they are just normal people…human beings just like everyone else.  Guess what?  Pastors struggle too!  But their struggles often go unnoticed and unspoken.  The pressure to be perfect and above reproach in all areas at all times leaves Pastors miserably alone.  They are scared to admit their problems, scared to ask for help, and afraid of the consequences that may come if people really knew the truth about their Pastor.  I’m telling you it is an epidemic of massive proportion.

 

So what can you do for your Pastor?  I was hoping you would ask that!  Today, after you read this call, text, or email your Pastor and first of all tell them that you love them.  You never know how much this means.  Second, tell them something affirming.  Third, tell them it’s okay if they are not perfect and that you don’t expect them to be.  Fourth, let them know that if need to reach out for help that you will support them and stand with them.  Finally, encourage other members of your church to do the same.

 

Pastors:

 

I just want to encourage you right now.  Many of you are struggling mightily.  For some as you read the things talked out above you instantly thought, “He is talking about me.”  Father has really impressed upon me lately that Pastors need to know there is a better way.  If anyone knows some of what you are experiencing it’s me.  I gave 12 years of my life to serve full time in vocational ministry.  Those years were filled with numerous blessings and productive seasons of life, but they were also filled with the darkest and loneliest moments of my life.  I know the pressure, I have felt the stress, I have failed to live up to the expectations, and I know what it is like to place shame on yourself for no good reason.  I have lived the life that feels like exile at times, hiding things from everyone, including my wife.  I know what it is like to be on call all the time, and to be all things to all people.  And I know what it is like to keep pouring yourself out for others when running on empty.

 

I’m not sure why I’m supposed to be writing this.  Maybe one of you out there needs someone to talk with, someone to listen to you, someone to confide in.  I am willing to be that person.  Recently I have undergone some massive changes in my life.  I have experienced true healing in so many areas of my life including the deep hurts and pains that I sustained as a Pastor.  Maybe I’m supposed to share that with you?  I now know what it means to really be free and to actually believe in the hope that I often talked about but never felt.  I have received true grace, experienced the peace that really does pass all understanding, and I have such joy that was absent for so long.

 

I want you to know that there is hope for you, there is healing for you, and there is rest waiting for your weary and heavy burdened soul.  I want you to know that this idea of suffering for the sake of ministry is a bold faced lie.  God has absolutely no intention of you living alone, miserable, addicted, anxious, or depressed just so more people can have the life that you don’t even have!  God does not want you to sacrifice your family, your health, your friends, your dreams, and most devastatingly of all…your faith for the sake of what we have come to know as the church…which I’m quite sure is not what He dreamed up in the first place.

 

Father, I thank you for those reading this post.  I thank you simply for who they are, and not what they can do for you. God lead these people to healing, rest, and restoration in you.  Jesus reveal yourself in the darkness and remind even pastors that you are there with them, that you know and understand every hurt, every doubt, every emotion that they are feeling.  Spirit, may your whisper rise above the lies and self-doubt. May each one be reminded of their Belovedness and that long before they were a Pastor, they were and are sons and daughters of a loving and gracious Father.

 

If you’d like to talk you can leave a comment below or visit the about page and send me an email.

 

Be Blessed Friends…You Already Are!

 

New Eyes – Part II Fearless

Last night this truth about new eyes played out beautifully right in front of my own eyes.  I have a seven-year-old son.  He is perfectly imperfect.  The boy is a spitting image of his old man, especially when it comes to his good looks!  While he has picked up a lot of good things from me, he has also inherited some imperfections as well.

One of those imperfections is the tendency to be controlled by fear.  From a young age I can remember being scared.  I was scared to put myself out there, to take leadership, to try new things, to truly be me, and most of the time I always backed down from a challenge.  I never wanted to fail.  That line of thought led to not trying.  Instead of learning that sometimes it is better to try and fail, I learned the painful way of feeling ashamed for not even trying in the first place.  My son is very much the same way when it comes to these things.

It haunts me.  I don’t like to talk about it.  Deep down inside I’m afraid that he might end up like me.  Do you hear the negative thought pattern in that statement alone?  What would be so bad about him ending up a lot like his Dad?  For me it is the fact that my family has a pattern of mental illness and I hold myself responsible for possibly passing down the trait to my son.  But do I really have any control over this?  The obvious answer is no.  And what if he does struggle with the illness?  I can’t believe I’m saying this but I’m glad I have been cursed with the blessing of depression.  It has led to a much deeper understand of life and relationship.  There is little doubt that without the suffering I’ve experienced I wouldn’t be in the place I’m in today.

Last night my son had trouble going to sleep.  I went into his bedroom to talk to him about it and cuddle up for a little bit.  Side note…take advantage of these opportunities!  As we lay in bed together he shared that he was scared and afraid to go to sleep.  His fear was that he would be alone, would wake up alone, and that we wouldn’t be there when he woke up.

My wife and I aren’t perfect parents but we have never left our son alone.  He had no basis for this fear.  The fear was created and manifested itself in his mind.  This is what fear does.  It starts with a thought that we believe to true and then creeps itself into our reality, crippling us and controlling our actions.  We have to develop new eyes to see the difference between the lie and the truth.

I gently pulled him close to me and made him make eye contact with me.  I reminded him that we had never left him alone. He acknowledged that to be true and agreed.  I then told him that we never would leave him alone and that we would be right across the hall if he needed us.  I also took the opportunity to remind him that even when we are alone we’re not really alone.  The spiritual life promises us that God has taken us residence inside us, making his home in our heart.  This is not Christianese mumbo jumbo but a deep truth that we need new eyes for truly discovering.  The amazing truth is that Jesus went to extreme measures to involve us in a never-ending relationship of love and fellowship with his Father through the Spirit.  We are never alone, never forsaken, we never have been and we never have to be.

My son then asked me to pray with him and as we held hands I asked the Father to remind my son about the truth of His Son.

I then kissed him goodnight and went to my own bed.  A few minutes later my son walked into the room with two $1 bills.  He said, “Daddy I wanted to give you these for making me feel better.”  My heart melted instantly.  I grabbed him tight and pulled him into bed with me.  He laid his head on my chest and we embraced.  I gently whispered into his ear that he could never do anything to make me love him less or more.  He couldn’t buy my smile, or my love.  After our hug he got out of the bed and said, “I understand Dad but could I still give you just one dollar as a gift?”  My heart melted again.  I accepted his gift and we kissed and said goodnight once again.

This should sound familiar.  Isn’t this what we do with God?  If we’re honest sometimes we all feel like we have to earn or buy the Father’s smile.  It simply isn’t true.  We don’t have to do anything but accept his free gift of love and relationship.  That’s what makes grace a gift.  Our Father is gently whispering the truth of his love into our hearts to remind us that He is always there, He is always good, He is always love.  This not only requires new eyes, but also new ears to hear.

Eventually my son fell fast asleep and before my wife came to bed she called for me to come to my son’s bedroom.  As I approached she said, “You have got to see this.”  As I entered the room she turned on a light and there was my boy, fast asleep, with his arms wrapped tight around his Bible.

When he woke up this morning we were dying to find out what compelled him to do such a thing.  His response, “I just started to read it so I wouldn’t be focused on being afraid.”  WOW!

Yesterday we talked about new eyes being developed through the faith of an innocent child.  Little did I know it would play out right in front of my own eyes?  My son became a living example to me about how we need to see our Father, and how his nature and words hold the potential for great power in our lives.  With new eyes we are able to confront lies with the truth.  We are able to see that we are not alone, that there is no need to be afraid.

Thank you son for being my teacher.  You have my heart.

Thank you Father for revealing the truth of who you are through the lens of a seven year old boy and his Bible.

Be blessed…you already are!