Confession is a great start to the healing toward wholeness. In my opinion it is the first piece of the puzzle. The straight edges if you will that allow a framework for the rest of the puzzle to be put together. Now, it’s time for those jagged pieces to be in some sort of order so they can be fit together. Here is what I have learned about those pieces:
Part II – The absolutely essential piece of Community
While confession is an important piece, community is the catalyst for it. Have you ever tried to confess on your own? Especially if the lies of our fallen mind are in full effect, confessing to an angry dis-approving God is nearly impossible. When we fail to see the unconditional love of the Father we need others in our lives who can help us not only see it, but who can make it a reality in the ugliest of circumstances.
The journey toward wholeness in my opinion must include a healthy community and family. It is one of the unique characteristics of our DNA, part of God’s design in creation. He never meant for life to be lived alone. The islands of our western world and way of existence go against God’s original plan for us to live in circles of extended family and community. I absolutely hate it when Christians say really uneducated things like, “Jesus is all I need.” It’s simply not true. Many books have been written from this position and numerous songs of worship composed around this thinking. It’s not only untrue, it’s not even Biblical.
Community has always been God’s intention for the human race. The early church is a great example of this as they absolutely depended on each other both spiritually and physically for their needs. The church for them was a collection of human souls deeply desperate for the need of not only the supernatural but also the physical touch and support of each other. This is not just a New Testament concept. Community was a huge part of the Old Testament as well. The children of Israel may have wandered for 40 years, but they didn’t wander alone. They were led not only by a cloud and fire, but with each other. They understood the concept of community, family, and their need to accept and give love and support to one another.
Unfortunately, this concept is almost non existent in our American, Western understanding of faith and view of the world. No where in the world does the “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” mentality exist like it does in the US. We live isolated in our neighborhoods and suburbs, hardly knowing the people who live right around us. Our faith communities are no different. Sure we go to church and attend worship but that is hardly community the way God intended it. It has become way too easy for a person to just be a number in a service. Our churches are silos where people who suffer sit alone in their darkness, instead of hospitals where the sick are loved and cherished for who they are. Unfortunately our past experience says church is no place to share pain, hurt, loss, and struggle. After all Christians are supposed to have it all together right? And when we have tried to confess in those faith communities the outcome is often tragic. Often we are shamed by the very ones who should be extending grace. The church is the only community I know that is good at devouring its own.
Confession is a great way to start to healing. Community is the catalyst and I believe healing happens best in community. So how do we find it? Community is hard work, plain and simple. Not only does it require us to be completely open and honest with our struggles, it also requires us to gracefully receive others and all their junk as well. Families are messy and community is all about building extended family. Don’t be dismayed though, there are communities out there that exist and thrive like this. I have found two of them. There is no doubt that I would not be where I am at today if it weren’t for the healthy communities I have found.
1. While it seems like I have bagged on the faith communities (trust me it’s for good reason and past experience) there are healthy communities of faith that do exist. What to look for? A church that is solidly grace based. Way to much shame is thrown around the church. This is mostly due to awful theological interpretations and a misunderstanding of the triune God of love, mercy, and grace. Look for a leader of a church that displays and promotes this kind of acceptance and grace publicly. It it is not happening in public, it is not happening in private either.
2. Don’t limit your search to churches. When the church (the institution) fails, seek it elsewhere. The church isn’t the organized system of religion we’ve come to know it as anyway. The church is the body, the people. Find a support group, talk to others who you know have gone through hard times, communities are out there. If you live in the KC area I highly recommend researching the BT community I have grown to love and know as family.
3. Build your own. Starting and maintaining healthy community is not rocket science. It requires a few key essentials and starting your own can be difficult, but it can be done. I have done this as well. Here a few things I looked for in starting my own extended family.
- People I could trust.
- Environments of safety. It’s hard to open up when we don’t feel safe. If we are to share our stories we have to trust our listeners with our hearts. Don’t share your heart with people you don’t trust.
- Fellow sufferers. Nobody offers love, grace, and support better than people who have been there and done that
The road to wholeness is not an easy one. We cannot do it alone and you are not alone. You would be amazed at the people you rub shoulders with everyday who suffer alone. It doesn’t have to be this way. Confession is a great start and community, extended family, is a beautiful gift from the Father. Together, as we learn to be in relationship and receive blessing from Father, Son, Spirit; we naturally want to give that gift and affirmation to others.
This is a major part of the ugly beautiful. In community our ugliness is not alone. It is shared, cared for, and turned into a beautiful story of redemption and wholeness.
Be blessed friends, you already are, and you are not alone.
theuglybeautiful 